He can’t make a roux, so I can’t date him

Tonight was a bad night, or a great night! I’m still deciding.

My Daddy tells me that my man must be Catholic and know how to make a roux. Who’s your mama, are you Catholic, and can you make a roux?

And tonight, I was so bored, I could die.

 

You know I’m tired of waiting………..I can no longer wait to EAT. Tonight I said “Screw it!” and I just started eating. He stalled, and stalled, and stalled.

“They forgot your buffalo sauce. We need napkins.” NO WE DON’T. So I picked up the chicken tender wrap without buffalo sauce and a napkin, and I started eating it.

 

One thing I’m very attracted to the male species is strength, as in making decisions. When men waver at making decisions, it angers me. Not serious anger, like silly anger. Are you still with me?

 

Most of the time, I hold back. That’s right, I have to hold back my serious and sassy commentary because I’m scared this man who is waiting for napkins is going to be unhappy when he hears it. Tonight it just started spilling out.

When broached with the topic of cooking, he asked me how I would make mac and cheese. Boys love their mac n’ cheese. To which I replied,

“First, you make a roux!”

Which is butter lovingly pressed with flour, then cooked until the flour browns before adding liquid, or in this case, milk.

To which he replied,

“What’s a RUE?” It’s spelled, rue, right?

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I’d say I go on two to three dates per week.

Every time I get home from one of my dates, my parents are excited. Can’t you tell?

Fingers under the door excited. They just can’t wait to hear what I have to say.

“How was your hot date?” Daddy asks. Not hot, most of the time it’s not hot at all.

“Angelita, YOU HUNGRY? I make rice for you.” Mamita chimes in.

YES, YES I am hungry, because on these dates I have not once eaten, only consumed a beverage, and all this talking and listening to boys makes me hungry.

I am 33 years old. My last serious relationship was before instagram. I’m not making this up. Why should I lie? What is most personal is most creative.

But that’s not saying I’m not lying. I’m not a skilled liar, but I’m not half bad. It only took about 2 weeks on Match.com to realize that the caliber men I was looking for was not the most common on Match, in my town, where I’m from.

So I change the word BLUFF, to VIEW, and that is my new residence.

That did just the trick, but don’t think that a profile like mine is the most popular, because it’s not.

Real picture on a real dating app

Most American boys are attracted to American girls, and I am mixed, so the feedback that I receive is mixed.

One boy was frank when he alluded to having the best sex of his life with his latina ex-girlfriend (yikes!), making me feel uncomfortable to say the least. FETISH. Fetish behavior, instead of seeking my affection and attention for good and honest reasons, some men just enjoy the fantasy of banging a latina. And I’m only HALF.

Another boy said he was never the same after his Colombian ex-girlfriend dumped him. Is that right, boy? So he was on the hunt for another one.

He said he was surprised that my English was perfect. It’s because I’m AMERICAN!

I am an American, looking for an American boy, but I know, I know in my heart, it will take time to find the American boy that is naturally attracted to my dark hair and dark eyes.

So that is why, I go on two to three dates a week to find him. xoxo

 

 

 

I went on the best date the other day, because it wasn’t a date at all.

He was neither excited nor hurried to rush into anything with me. I almost felt rejected, but no, I did not, because he continued to message me, and chat with me, every night.

And that’s exactly what he’s done, for the past 30 days.

That’s the way to my heart, I tell you. I’ll just tell it to you straight. The man for me is, that’s right, is the peacemaker.

It’s not what I want, because you can’t always get what you want one famous song says, but it’s everything that I need.

I need the man that will not only talk me down when I’m standing on the edge, he stops me from burning down the house. He stops my fire. No easy task, indeed.

We bonded one night when I called him and I was, you guessed it, mega pissed. That’s test number one, if you can tolerate a serious rant by a serious little girl. I was ranting about what? Another guy, of course.

How uncouth of me.

I was ghosted for the first time on Match, and I felt blind sided. I felt hurt by the situational irony. I felt hurt that the calm Cancer that wrote to me for 2 weeks turned out to be an arrogant man on the phone. I was hurt that I opened up to a man playing a game. He even seemed amused that he knew he was playing two opposite characters at the same time, when HEY THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN DO THAT IS ME.

So when I talk to my peacemaker about how I was literally going to kill this man for ghosting me, he says to me, so sweetly,

“You’re funny. I mean that (ghosting) literally happens to me every day on Match.”

And that was it. I dropped my fireball. Is dating really that different for women than men?

“DUH!” My Daddy says, when I tell him my story. Women get rejected infinitely less than men, it’s true. It’s so true.

Where the peacemaker and I truly bonded on another level was when he began talking about his ex-girlfriend. Something that is a serious no-no so early in the dating game for most people, but I couldn’t help but wonder, this man is heavy, he’s literally in no rush to even compliment me, what is going on here?

That’s when he told me about her. She moved on because she wanted children, and he wasn’t ready. He said he felt more for her than any one he’s ever dated. He still wished her a happy birthday on May 2nd. My birthday.

“Do you still love her?” I asked him.

“I don’t know.”

And that’s when I told him point blank. That’s OK that you don’t know, but one day you will know, because time will tell. If you loved her, I mean really truly loved her, those feelings will never go away.

“Never?” My peacemaker asked me.

“Never.” I answered back. Because true love, once blossomed, never disappears. I gave him the article that helped me when I was going through it myself.

After that conversation, he asked me out. Not on a date, he said. He said he didn’t want to go out on a date with me. He wanted to spend time with me, he said, to get to know me more.

That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

We went to the mall just over the Wisconsin border, and he was next to me as I picked out a slick pair of black sunglasses. We then had lunch, where he talked about his ex again. We share the same birthday, fancy that. And he got to hear me again with the true love talk.

I told him that true love feeling are always there, sometimes they get better, sometimes they get worse. Like seasons, that’s how true love feelings work. But they are always there. “How do you know this?” He asked me as we ate cheap Chinese food together at the mall.

“Because that’s what happened to me.” He was really listening to me when I said that. He didn’t even blink.

I cannot tell you how much I’ve enjoyed having a peacemaker in my life. It is truly a life-changing, wonderful, and peaceful experience. I know I have chosen right.

Donald Trump could make this all go away if he would just shake Obama’s hand and mean it this time.

WRONG

 

It’s times like these where I feel like a woman just needs to tell the man, “Just chill out, OK?”

Maybe it’s that Y Chromosome. It’s makes them all so testy and virulent and sexy. God Bless them.

But maybe our President Donald Trump is showing us all a world’s first in showing a man so rip roaring defiant that any conciliatory gesture will come across as weak. Isn’t that right?

“When the looting starts, the shooting starts!”

“Dominate!”

These are authoritarian, top down gestures more fit for a dictator or king. Does Donald Trump really think he’s a king?

All men think they’re kings.

And it’s a woman’s job to make them actually believe that they are. Sure you are, honey. xoxo

 

Unfortunately, a massive gesture is what is necessary now. A massive gesture to unify our country while at the same time communicating,

 

“This isn’t about winning. I’m here for all of you. I’m sorry.”

 

And when he says that and demonstrates a kind hand shake with former President Barack Obama, I think it would be quite shocking and unexpected to all of us. Especially with the gestures he has demonstrated so far.

While not being political, I’ll simply say that tear-gasing and moving hoards of people straight up reminded me of the Hunger Games, when the Peacekeepers simply pushed people where they wanted them to go.

 

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And most unfortunately with our President Win Win Win we’re gonna Win so much we’re gonna be tired of winning, I’m not sure if Donald Trump has it in him to show such a magnanimous gesture and just say,

“I’m sorry.”

Our President didn’t commit the crime, course he didn’t. He just represents all of us and will represent this moment in history. Is that a big enough deal?

When I was in school I learned that when Physicians apologized for accidents when working, let’s say accidentally injuring or killing someone (oops), they were less likely to be sued when they apologized. So what did I learn from the research article? When you apologize, it makes people feel better.

And not some sorry waffle apology like my last boyfriend gave me. “I’m sorry I was embarrassing.” Sorry you were embarrassing? You were delightfully entertaining that night! When the girl whose cheese curds (yum!) you stole asked me if we were married I cried,

“Hell no!”

A real apology is one that is meant, felt deep in your heart and reverberates. That’s what our president needs to give us. I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry for the hurt. I’m sorry for the pain. This is not good.

I’m sorry.

I think that would calm everybody down. What do you think?

 

 

One Cubana told me once, “I don’t like black people, but I don’t think they should be treated like that.”

A mi no me gusta lo felano,” she quipped………. “But I don’t think they should be treated like that.”

And that stuck with me. Like that.

It is no secret that Latinos are a titch racist, with each other, that’s the ironic part. And when an elder is on a tirade? Ay dios mio, forget it.

But there is one thing that sets our America apart from the rest, and that is our violent history that even real racists would condone. La cubana kept going with her story,

“They have access to care.”

“They have access to protection.”

“They have access to food.”

“They have access to housing. Lejos de mi, far from me a mi no me importa it don’t matter to me.”

“And Yeah I don’t like them, a mi no me gusta lo felano.”

“But I don’t think they should be treated like that.” And that is where the problem is.

I’m not saying at all that it’s OK to not like minority groups, black people. Never mind that I am half-brown, I’ve been told many a time I’m white so for the purpose of this post, I am white.

What I am saying is we should be against killing black people. I found it very interesting with la cubana that with her racism she was unequivocally for health care, housing, protection and food, why?

Because with holding basic human services and goods would be anti-human, “I don’t think they should be treated like that.”

 

And you know it’s funny that I always pivot back to current events even when my original goal was comedy. I suppose I can do both, I hope so.

You know over time I’ve become less political, much less, or only personally so and not willing to divulge much because everything is twitter angry these days. But when I watch our country burn I think the only response is to weep.

At this point, I am an older millennial. Take that, baby boomers. Can they get off my jock now? xoxo

I can nearly see why these young kids are rioting, I mean what else do they have to do? The pandemic took away their schools and their jobs. Without anything to do, this is what people do. I’m not saying this to make an excuse, I’m just telling the truth.

And where are the parents of these children? I’m telling you, I’m TELLING YOU, I cannot go to the bathroom in my house without my parents coming to find me.

 

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And as someone generously of affluent means I will say this, I miss working in the hood. I said it, I meant it. People of affluent backgrounds need to end their timidity, come forward and assert themselves. I have used my degree for GOOD. We must use our powers for good, to bridge the divide and draw connections, instead of increase our class and further isolate ourselves.

And now I cannot even go there and work. I can only watch Live Facebook feeds where people narrate a riot which is exactly what happened last night in Waukegan. “Esta caliente la cosa……..” This shit’s hot, they say.

I can only help affluent, rich people like myself now, further widening the divide, this makes me SICK!

And who taught me how to be tolerant, to use my powers for GOOD? My white Southern Daddy.

And it’s my white Southern Daddy that tells me he would vote for Mr. Bingle over Donald Trump and son of a gun I can finally see his point. I honestly found our president very amusing because crazy is as crazy does. Women are commonly pegged as crazy, so what can I say? A crazy man in the flesh is retribution, that is, until your country is on fire.

And when the country is on fire, it is everybody’s problem! Is President Donald Trump going to pacify this situation or throw gasoline on the fire to fire up his own base?

I’m not trying to be political, I don’t know who I’m voting for. You either want to watch the world burn, or you are the change you want to see in the world. Which is it and you cannot be both. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen men pick FIGHTS with me when dating. Have men always been this foolish?

I don’t need to fight, to prove I’m right.

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Thank you for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

I think this whole thing started when I realized how quirky and magoo my parents were

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My parents haven’t left the house in two months. When I go to the grocery store they tell me they want 12 grain bread, English muffins, and honey bunches of oats.

“Don’t forget the honey bunches of oats!” My Daddy tells me.

Honestly? Honestly. I honestly feel like a mediocre child. Their mediocre child, or miracle child? xoxo.

I first realized how quirky they were back in my last year of high school. I remember seeing my Mamita at the base of the stairs before a meeting at Lake Forest High School. It was those mediocre Fall meetings with teachers, you know?

And she cried, she cried, “This is the last year we going to Lake Forest High School for Angelita!”

Boo hoo! It was so cute. They’re so stinking cute.

And each year after that, it was more and more. My parents began fighting over their affections of me. Literally! One Saturday morning (college years) I woke up and had a dentist appointment. Daddy offered to take me, that was very nice,

until we came home, and Mamita snarled, “WHERE YOU GO?”

“I took Angela to the dentist,” Daddy calmly explained.

“YOU NO SAYING ME ANYTHING!” Mamita cried, once again. And then she ran off.

 

Many moon ago I tried pitching this idea to a producer. The idea was this, a millennial living with her quirky and magoo parents.

 

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They’re so beautiful when they’re sleeping.

But the producers were unconvinced. I mean I’m a millennial, so that means I’m supposed to not have my ish together, right? They told me they had therapists and doctors and whatnot to work through my money troubles and my student loans and my barriers to leaving my parents home. To which I replied,

“No, I live with my parents and we don’t fight. We live in peace and harmony. And I don’t have money issues. I’m actually pretty good with money.” A millennial good with money? Now how can that be?

I thought it would be a wonderful story not told before. A beautiful story of a modern multi-generational family getting along with a happy ending. But it’s like the producers didn’t want to see that, so does the public agree?

I couldn’t help but wonder, Do people want to see other people succeed? Or would they rather see them fail?

Does being a woman have to do with it? I’m not saying this to play victim, I’m simply saying there is definitely something to be said about the tale of a woman who crashes, burns, and people gather to watch her like she’s a witch burning at the stake.

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At the end of the day children need their parents, maybe in adulthood more than we think? After all, it was Britney’s Daddy that came forward and turned everything around for her via a conservatorship.

Britney’s conservatorship, too long or not long enough?

xoxo

 

 

Dating has brought me closer to my sister

Caroline and Angela

 

In times of transition and change, you find out who is really there for you.

I’ve been waiting a long time for my sisters support in my life. Many people, people who shouldn’t even be involved, knew of a sisters quarrel between us.

Our spats were so remarkable, they even made their way into Wedding Rehearsal dinner speeches. How embarrassing.

Like a good half Southern woman, I believe that when you’ve got nothing nice to say honey you best not say anything at all.

Why? Because once you say something, once you write something, it cannot be undone.

My sister and I are like two halves of a heart, we began together and split on our own separate paths, and over time, make our way back together.

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To a new place, a better place.

And maybe we didn’t see eye to eye in that middle place, and that’s OK. Maybe my sister didn’t get how serious I was about my career and financial goals. She was used to me being silly, fun, laughing, with boys,

a party girl, perhaps?

Maybe?

And maybe, just maybe, I really didn’t see what the hell she saw in my skinny brother in law who barely spoke for the first five years or so that I met him but that’s ok I’m not offended it’s not like I’m marrying him.

xoxo.

But years go by, you become settled in your lives, and you look at each other and see that the right decisions were made for each of us, so maybe we should just celebrate that, support each other, and move on.

We Millennials can teach these baby boomers a thing or two about reconciliation, don’t you think?

 

And now, as it turns out, my sister supports me fully. Are you surprised? No one is more surprised than SHE, SHE my sister who watches ME stumble through relationships, with grace and ease?

No. Of course not. I can hardly put a sentence together in front of a man, but she tells me I’m gonna eat lightening and I’m gonna crap thunder.

She has given me wonderful advice in this time in my life. I’m very grateful for that.

 

 

 

 

My Best Advice Regarding Dating

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Suffice to say, I found it amusing how much people wanted to know about the experience of being a single lady.

Even more so, I found people couldn’t help themselves but offer advice. Was I ever asking for it?

But I carry on, as I do, with a positive attitude! Yes I do.

It’s safe to say that being in the position of a single woman is a vulnerable one, indeed. Sometimes, many times, I find the experience overwhelming, but still more comfortable to be single than being in a relationship.

I’m so grateful for this period in my life. I find myself creative, raw, and vulnerable. It’s a wonderful combination, indeed.

In the last 7 years or so, I’ve paid extreme attention to other peoples words. Here is the best advice I’ve ever received about dating…

1.) “Make sure that when you do date, YOU are the PRIORITY.”

Source: Personal trainer turned best friend.

In between push ups, my personal trainer had a litany of advice for me. I respond very well to directness. How about matter-of-fact bitchiness? Even better.

I love that she showed deference to my decision, because I told her that I wasn’t dating, and wouldn’t be dating for many years. I always wondered if the comment she said was too bold, or asking too much in a relationship. Because after all, what does that mean? To be the priority. Is that asking too much?

No. It’s not. How many times have I been the priority in a relationship? Never. Please don’t feel badly for me. Please congratulate me on successfully identifying such a situation. Because that’s how you make situations better!

2.) “You know how I knew he was the one? He has never put be down, EVER.”

Source: Cameron Wimberly, Southern Charm. Bravo. TV.

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Cameron Eubanks Wimberly (from Southern Charm on Bravo) is in a healthy marriage and frankly her husband doesn’t even participate in the show. I’m sure that’s for the best. For the overwhelming most part I watch the show as a lesson on how NOT to behave, but when Cameron point blank said this about dating her future husband the comment really resonated with me.

Because when dating, I think it’s very important to pay attention to what your partner is saying to you. It’s very important to listen to him, what is he saying to you? What is he saying about you? He should regard you positively. He should hold you in high regard.

 

 3.) If this is how he treats you now…..How is he going to treat you later?

Source: Sister.

My sister has decided to come out of the woodwork and show me tremendous support. Maybe now she recognizes my vulnerability in this phase of life? Or maybe, she knows that anything that comes out of me is automatic first cousin to our KING!

JT

I must choose wisely. Each year the stakes get higher and my sister is quite vocal about making sure I choose someone de la clase alta (of high esteem, of high class). I don’t mean that in any caste-system kind of way, I just think my sister wants to make sure that I’m being treated well, treated kindly, and with respect. I mean, why the hell not?

So I tell her, in grave detail, exactly what happened.

He said this. He said that.

He did this. He did that.

Oh yeah I did some things too. xoxo.

What does she say? How does she say it?

GET RID.

Get rid of the man that treats you badly. Why would you be treated badly in the dating phase? This is the time when couples couple together. They are merry and kind and nice. The honeymoon phase! It says a lot when someone wants to push your boundaries so early in the dating game.

After all, I need to look out for so many people, including my KING!